Life feels so light when you are clear in every relationship. All of them.
Imagine it was the last week of your life. What conversations would you want to have before you leave? What truths need to be said? What slight must be cleared? Who must you call and apologize to? Tie up all the loose ends you can.
So often, you and I carry more than we know. You won’t realize what weighs you down until it is spoken into.
It takes courage to face the past and clear it. It takes courage to speak the truth. Courage to have hard conversations. Courage is what precedes change and alignment. Courage bring healing and harmony.
Years ago, I went and did a multi-week canoe trip in Canada with friend and elder there. It was the opportunity of a lifetime, and it came at a very critical moment in my journey. I really needed to have an escape and chance to quiet down. It was a beautiful experience, but also difficult to be so immersed in nature with someone new. I was working through a lot of my own shit, health problems, and anxiety about my lover, and I felt like I was in a haze. It took weeks for me to come to baseline, and I left with some guilt and a weird taste on my tongue.
I returned to a bustling life. I jumped right back into my work and relationships. Life kept moving by and I never reached back out to my friend on the lake. I thought of him occasionally on quiet nights under the stars. When I walked through canyons in Moab. When I sat by lakes. For years he crossed my mind in tender moments but I never reached out.
As time passed, shame grew. He would come up every few months. A fond memory would arise, along with anxiety. It was a nagging feeling. I knew I needed to call him. That realization would strike like lightning, but pass swiftly. I wrote it in my todo list many times, but I never did.
Three years after the trip, I sat down one night and worked up the courage to call him. I apologized and let him know of my shame and appreciation for our time together. I told him about my experience and where I was at. He received it all with joy and understanding. He was just so happy to hear my voice. He said he thought of me often too. And it felt so good to reflect on our time together, and remember the friendship we had and have.
I instantly felt pounds lighter. The disturbance in my subconscious was cleared. Shame was replaced with understanding and connection. That act of courage lit up my heart.
The following weeks, I made a practice of putting all relationships right in my life. I called past lovers, friends, and my parents. Even just to talk to people I loved. I tried to call more things out in the present, and open the space to clear the past. I even spoke into my past trauma with substance abuse to my brothers. They held it, and it felt so good to bring the unconscious pain to the surface. I cried tears that have never been witnessed. Old pain started to leave my body. Pain I didn’t even know I still carried. Every hard conversations, every act of courage, every truth I told, left me lighter.
Truth is scary. But truth is purifying. Truth is what sets you free.
The mind is always sending you notifications of what’s going on in the deep psyche. When someone or something comes up repeatedly, there is something there for you. The conscious thought is only the tip of the iceberg. You and I carry so much baggage, so many unsaid words and feelings that want to be expressed. We carry years of unresolved conflicts that want to be witnessed. We carry pain, grief, and anger that want to be released. We carry resentment and shame that wants to be heard. Often times, the repeated thoughts and feelings we dismiss as inconsequential are only the tip of the iceberg. These nagging disturbances are actually weights in the deep waters of the mind. They are what steal our highest peace and love and joy.
Life wants to be clear and moving. Small traumas and loose ends from the past may just be nagging feelings, but they want to come to the light. Your body and subconscious carry everything until you set them free.
Do yourself a favor and bring the truth to the surface. It’s amazing how much grief or emotion can be attached to a small thing. Many times now, I’ve broken down just speaking into some problem or conflict I had filed away as unimportant or “passed”.
When clearing, approach with love and courage. Speak your truth. Be radical and straight forward. When feelings are upon you, be raw. That’s what heals the deep conflicts and lets you fly free.
Call your mom or dad. Call that ex partner you wronged. Apologize to that past business associate. Clear the air with your friend. Have a radical conversation with your partner. Tell someone what you love and appreciate about them. Tie up loose ends in all your relationships and speak your heart.
Sit down with your closest friend and speak into the pain and wounds you carry inside. Speak into the big and small truths you tend to hide. Be witnessed. Be real. Let some of those monsters or secrets out. It feels good.
Truth is what creates authentic shared feeling and connection.
People can take more than you expect. They are more forgiving and understanding than you think. Just set the space an approach with love and courage. That’s all it takes.
With experience, you learn to speak truths more easily. Say how you feel. End things cleanly. Create deeper connections. And live lighter in all ways.
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